Why are you painting a cabbage?
At the end of a particularly exhausting day at work, I arrived at my painting class to find an arrangement fruit, nuts and vegetables. The first thing that caught my attention, sitting awkwardly among the elegant apples and pears, was a savoy cabbage. There was something about it, that called to me. It didn’t quite fit in, but there it stood bold and fearless!
I was tired and distracted. I had a global event to project manage, senior stakeholders with needs and expectations and my manager was due to leave the company, leaving a vacant position. I was in my very British sense, a ‘just little stressed’. This tension was fueled by my dream to start my own business. As interesting and exciting as the job was, my attentions were on working out how to build up the courage to resign from a ‘perfectly good job’.
This might not seem like the time to start a new hobby, but turns out, it is!
I am creative and visual in work and life, so hoping to tap into my father’s talent as a portrait artist, I took a friend’s advice and turned up at drawing and painting evening classes. I looked forward to Wednesday nights for the space to be creative and spend some ‘me’ time.
It is all about balance; you can have a lot on your plate, but if there is a balance between the things that give you energy and the things that take your energy, you feel fine and you can keep going. That is what brought me back week after week to that studio.
Face to face with my cabbage, I started by sketching with charcoal, reflecting the shapes and textures, carefully thinking about direction of strokes. Until, proud of my first sketch, I asked Saskia, my teacher, for painting paper. As she passed it to me, she had a twinkle in her eye and said, “I want to you paint the whole paper red”.
Huh! This didn’t make any sense, it was a green cabbage, no red in sight. But ready to be challenged and to learn I started to paint, but as I was going it was fun at first, but then I would feel the fear and anxiety building, this must be wrong, maybe she was joking? I stood back and looked at the red paper and then back at that cabbage, the stark contrast was mocking me with its bright green-ness. Saskia was by my side to guide me and teach me.
Then the shift happened, I started to paint, not to cover the red but to create layers that used the strength and vibrancy of the red, to give depth, quality and character. I even played with different colours in the shadows, if they didn’t work, I announced them not as a mistake, but “just another layer”. I immersed fully and let the noises and thoughts drop away. I embraced the chance to get out of my comfort zone and learn something new.
This experience was teaching me something about how I felt about resigning from a great job, but one where I was comfortable and perhaps stopped learning.
For anyone looking to take a risk and follow a dream, here is what I learned and want to share with you:
1) It takes courage to have courage as one of my favourite authors said; “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.” - Brené Brown. We get so used to hiding any vulnerability so as not to seem weak, but the strength and courage it took to hand my notice in was like a shaking hand, holding a brush loaded with red paint.
2) There will be ups and downs, use them. When you hit bumps there is a tendency to spiral down, but it doesn’t mean it was the wrong thing, its just another layer. When you hit a high, there is a tendency to fly and loose sight of the ground but look to cruise. Getting out of your comfort zone is how you learn,
3) Authenticity is easier than it seems. It has always been easier to be me, than to be anyone else or please anyone else. Starting my own business was about being comfortable with who I am and looking for experiences that enhance my authenticity. As my teacher Saskia writes on her site: “The art of painting or drawing begins with looking. The longer you look, the more you see. The important thing then is, not to represent everything you see but to filter that information, and by doing so to create, with an expression of your own, an image that is yours.” Saskia- Sem Van Dijk
It is easy to see things through the lens we are used to, or have learned to see through but really take time to look and ask; ‘what do I think? What drives me?’
This had been a journey for me, a discovery that what stands in our way is often, just us. In that humble savoy cabbage were layers of potential a gnarly looking outside but bright fresh leaves on every new layer.
So be brave, ride the waves and bring your best authentic self.
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