How to listen better

Listening is such an important skill to practice, one simple way to listen better is to let someone fully express themselves without interrupting, let them get to the end of what they wanted to say and then ask for more.

When you ask an insightful open question, you can learn more, grow more and have better human connections. Listening skills are one of the most common skills I am asked to coach leaders and managers on, so here are some quick tips.

Truth. There is never just one version of the truth; You have your truth, I have mine, we might find a shared truth and then there is the actual truth.

Something that builds stronger human relationships is when you build a shared truth together. That starts by moving out of what we know to be our through and getting a better understanding of another person’s perspective.

That all starts with listening.

Here are some tips to help you listen better…

1) Start by being fully present, notice when your attention drifts to your own thoughts. When you are in your own head space, you are missing the opportunity to fully understand another person’s perspective.

2) Don’t judge. Coaches call this unconditional positive regard. Essentially is it staying out of the place where you let your own beliefs and values taint or distort the message the person is sending to you. Sometimes this is like ‘hearing what you want to hear’. Accept what they are saying as the reality that they are experiencing. If they say they are upset, you might feel that there is nothing to be upset about but start by accepting that they are feeling upset.

3) Let them finish. Interrupting doesn’t help anyone. Interruptions hinder you from hearing everything that they were going to say and they don’t feel valued or able to express themselves fully.

4) Ask questions. Not leading questions, questions that help you make your point or questions that help them to agree with you. But questions that help them to explore their thinking process, emotions and the meaning behind their thoughts and actions. Everyone filters the world through their own values and beliefs, but you only get to understand another person’s filters when you stop using yours.

5) Listen for solutions, when you really listen well you can pick up on what the person is saying and more importantly, what they are not saying. What can you pick up from their body language and the topics they are avoiding. Try asking, what else are you thinking? What else don’t I know? How can we move forward?

There is a magic that happens when you really can listen with your full attention, it builds trust and respect and importantly will have more meaningful connections from one human to another.

If you want to learn more about boosting listening skills or other communication skills, get in touch

Chaya Mistry
Communication Coach and Consultant

Find out more about Humanly to help your communication to create better human connections.