Listening in practice

Do you find yourself drifting off when someone is talking?
Have you been in a conversation and been triggered by something they said, which distracts you?
Do you interrupt people when they talk?

Of course we all do these things, because we are human, it is normal. But when it is an important conversation, for us or for the other person these natural responses can hold us back from really understanding what the person is trying to share.

When someone is not listening well to us, we sense it and we are more guarded and we share less of what we really think. Ultimately it can impact the trust and connection in a relationship.

Here is one exercise to help you practice listening:

Two week challenge: Listen with Attention and check for Emotion

Week 1 - Attention and Emotion check-in
For the first week focus on keeping a tally of the number of times that your attention is not on the person you are talking with. Such as flicking through emails, glancing at your phone, thinking of your own argument, interrupting, changing the subject without checking if they finished. 
At the same time take notice of the emotions and sensations that arise during your conversations in the week. What caused you frustration, what made you happy, etc. Don't try to control the emotions, just notice them and what triggered that emotion.
Week 2- Attention and Emotion check-out
This next week you will focus in what you observe in the person you are in conversation with. How many times are they distracted? (Don't tell them you are doing this) Try to notice if they are showing any emotions while they are talking and even when you are talking. Can you label those emotions? 

What now? At the end of this time reflect on what you notice. Set a goal!
What changes would you like to see in yourself. You can't change how well another person listens but you can do better to engage them and ask them better questions (the secret is good listening in contagious!).
You can revisit this exercise as often as you need to calibrate your listening quality. Good luck!

This exercise is an extract from Humanly Possible, a monthly email drop, designed to give you five minutes to stop and think about communication. June is all about listening

Whether you are a leader, manager, communication professional, human resources professional or just interested in human communication, I hope to help you by sharing useful ideas and inspiration to help you communicate humanly.