Unlearning to Learn
Learning how to learn means we need to;
Learn how to unlearn, so we can learn how to relearn.
Soft-skills AKA HUMAN SKILLS are teachable and learnable skills. But they can be the hardest to learn and especially to put into practice.
How we engage and interact with others can become habitual, we often make choices that are easy, rather than what is right.
I knew this was a challenge for my client, a communication director and her frustration showed as she said
This will be the topic next week on the 18th April at the Human Leadership collective call where we will talk about Curiosity - Learning and Unlearning-
The Human Leadership Collective is a free community for people who believe in a more human way to lead and communicate. Join us
"Can you teach my leaders to communicate?"
The answer is of course “Yes!”, I am in the business of teaching leaders to communicate and lead effectively.
But I am going to warn you!
There is one hurdle to overcome
They will need to do some unlearning first and be convinced that they need to learn anything different at all.
This requires curiosity.
When we are curious about what we don't know, we can learn.
When we hold our own ideas and beliefs a little more lightly we can learn.
When we notice how we assume and interpret, we can learn.
And then we realise what we have to UNLEARN to make space to LEARN.
Here are some of the things that leaders have learned that may need to be unlearned:
Failure and mistakes are to be avoided at all costs
If it feels uncomfortable don't do it
Don’t look bad in front of other people
You have to do it all alone
Never say ‘I don't know’
Vulnerability is weakness
Emotions are unpredictable and dangerous
These lessons are often learned early in our career and through emotionally and socially painful experiences. So of course they hold a lot of power.
Which of these are lessons you learned?
Who did you learn them from? What was the motive of your teacher?
When we take some time to think about the reasons we are caught up in the negative lessons we learned we can start to see the power and choices they take away from us.
Failure and mistakes help us to learn, to innovate and to be creative. We can experiment with new ideas and refine thinking and beliefs.
Discomfort helps us to know that we are at the edge of our comfort zone, we can enter into our stretch zone where we can change and grow.
Looking bad or good in front of ‘other people’ can hold us back from being kind and compassionate to ‘all people’ this includes ourselves. Shame and guilt can hide a multitude of sins.
You are not alone, or disconnected from others, we are all interconnected and we thrive when we are able to connect with others. Share your challenges and worries and reach out to others for help and support.
Trust is built through the authenticity of our words and actions, if you don't know, say so.
Vulnerability takes courage, it is easy to hide your feelings and needs than to express them.
Fear of emotions can hold us back from experiencing real connection and empathy. Get curious about emotions, they are the language of meaningful connection.
What else have you noticed?
What are the lessons you have learned that you want to unlearn.
This will be the topic next week on the 18th April at the Human Leadership collective call where we will talk about Curiosity - Learning and Unlearning- It is a free community for people who believe in a more human way to lead and communicate. Join us!
Read my post from 2020 on Curiosity
