What is inside?
When great leaders speak, they speak clearly, with confidence and in a way that helps them to enable change or achieve goals. There is something in them that we connect with.
“There is power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice ”
People will follow some leaders out of fear or the need for security, or because of reporting lines dictating they have to, but do they believe in those leaders?
Leaders who bring out the best in others out through motivation, purpose and growth, do so because people connect with them. They know and like them and they trust them. This is a basic marketing principle, that people are more likely to buy from those they know, like and trust. The same can be applied to any leadership goals you have and it starts with how they know you, the real you.
Authenticity by definition can not be faked. When a leader is authentic, you can see that there is an alignment between how they present themselves and how they naturally are. This is sometimes hard to get to because the role of a leader over the course of their career can be built up of expectations and judgements about how the 'should' be.
I worked with a leader whose experiences and assumptions led to the belief that 'a leader should be tough', 'don't show weakness or they won't respect you' but circumstances of her current job meant that she needed to get stakeholders on board and create genuine rapport. She also needed to support a team who were shrinking and so genuine care and compassion was essential. She also realised that these ‘tough’ beliefs were not her own beliefs, but rather those she had come to adopt, to get and keep that leadership role.
Fake it until you make it
We can practice speaking in public and being on stage to grow the confidence through experience to become an authentic speaker. But if it doesn't come naturally to add humour in your presentation, then adding a joke might feel inauthentic and probably won't get those laughs.
Agility can be a strength. I have a dear friend who I can laugh and be silly with but when she goes into a meeting or a professional conversation she seems to transform into a serious business woman. I noticed this and then I remembered that I have a telephone voice. I have what my kids call a ‘stranger voice’ when I am meeting someone for the first time. I realise that I also have a coaching voice and a training voice, I will certainly use my voice in different ways depending on the situation. After I moved to The Netherlands, I slowed the pace at which I speak and I formed a more neutral English accent rather than my UK Midlands accent. But these are minor adjustments, the agility that we need to read people, test the norms or what is safe or right in the situation to create better human connections.
Faking it can actualise a mindset. For example if you need to show confidence in a presentation, using ‘power stances’ and training your body to respond to that confident mindset can work. It might feel like acting at first but acting into a mindset has been shown to trigger it.
The sound of inconsistency
But people pick up on inconsistencies. For example, if there is a gap between what you say and what you do, people will notice. Such as, talking at length about work-life balance encouraging the team to log off at 5.30pm, only to send a flurry of emails after 6pm? This can lead people to question other things you have said and done.
Have you listened to someone tell a lie? Have you heard someone pretend to be okay, when they are upset? Have you heard someone trying to fit in with a new group of friends or peers?
You can hear changes in how someone talks, the ease and comfort, the passion and the connection is unmissable.
People sound their best when they are being genuine. When they are talking from their authentic voice.
It also makes for better places to work.
I have had the pleasure to work for an incredibly authentic boss. She was always true to her principles and professionalism even when things got sticky. The whole team felt it and through huge changes in the team everyone who worked for her would always know where they stood with her. This built trust and the motivation to do the best work we could.
Networking. Even when you are not leading anyone, but trying to sell yourself. How you present yourself on social media, in an interview, with your professional network will determine how they see you. What do you want to be known for? How would people who have seen your best work describe you? Do you use that language?
Many people fall into the trap of saying what they think the interviewer wants to hear, only to find themselves in a job they hate.
Authenticity in any of your interactions increases the chances that people will ‘really’ know you.
“Be so completely yourself that everyone around you feel safe to be themselves too”
What does the real you sound like?
Pay attention to the topics you talk to at ease, when time passes without you noticing.
One CEO and founder told me about her struggles to battle gender inequality in her industry and in particular when seeking investment. These were experiences that she had spent very little energy reflecting on until that point but suddenly it was like a fire was lit. There were so many stories that came up, genuine, heart felt and she had a clear objective. The goal was to create better opportunities for women in her industry. It was a like a mission waiting to get out that she could apply herself to and her natural and authentic voice rose up.
What is inside you waiting to get out?
What are the values that you care so much about that you can not help talking about them. Here are some questions to guide you:
1) Take time to think, why are you talking? What is your goal?
2) Talk about things that are important to you. What are your core values that are triggered? What problems matter to you? What problems do you want to help solve?
3) Connect with the message you have to share. Connect with the emotion, need or sensation you are trying to get across. Connect to the person, make them feel special, heard and valued.
4) Listen to your body. If you feel stressed about talking, start by putting your hand on your belly and take a breath, change your posture, slow down and get present. Be in the here and now. What matters today?
5) Get feedback, how do other people see you? What did they connect with? What is most believable and powerful about your story?
A final note of encouragement - keep going, it might be hard to put yourself out there. It takes courage and vulnerability but the gift of being truly seen for who you are is priceless!
Call for Human Leadership - Leaders have survived in an industrial style of leadership with a perform and prove mindset, strength and authority style. But the future asks for more. The challenges ahead of us and the employees entering the workforce require a more human approach to leadership. A better connection with purpose, values and responsibility for people. We are looking for leaders we can trust and we can connect with. Leaders aren't to blame, they have played the game and played their part well because that is what they have been rewarded for in the past.
But leadership qualities are evolving. So leaders will need to evolve too. We need authentic leaders and we need human leaders.
So what is inside you? Let it out!
I just send out my latest email drop Humanly Possible all about Authenticity and getting yourself out there. This is a fast growing following of folks who are looking for more ideas and inspiration to communicate humanly.
