Unconditional Positive Regard
A fancy word for love!
Unconditional Positive Regard is to accept and value a person, to respect and care for a person in a positive light, no matter what.
Even when they are flawed, even when they might think, feel and behave in ways that we or others might not like.
In this space people build self-esteem, self-belief and the belief that we can change. We form stable, committed and trusting relationships.
Sounds a lot like love!
It is a bit of a mouthful; Unconditional Positive Regard.
The term, which was coined by humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, is a powerful idea and one that opens up a relationship to a much richer connection, and the opportunity for authentic empathy and deeper understanding.
Everyone knows an office jerk. There is usually someone in an organisation who is not popular, disliked and avoided. They are difficult to work with and difficult to change.
This was Joan (not real name). I was the communications advisor for Joan who was notorious for shouting and mistreating people who worked for them, but as their assigned advisor I didn’t have much choice, we needed we work together. I had to find a way to be of value. In order to help them to change, I had to look for a way to accept them. No matter what. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was using Unconditional Positive Regard. I managed to build a fun and stable relationship where we could not only work together, but I could start to give feedback and work on moving small improvements to Joan’s communication style.
When we have Unconditional Positive Regard we are able to accept and value another person without judgment or setting out conditions to adhere to. We see them as whole and human when they are doing the right, and when they are not.
Like a parent towards their child, we appreciate and accept them, when they tell us their proudest moments and also when they share the moments that bring them shame.
Can you see beyond the actions and thoughts of a person?
Can you be curious about what experiences made them who they are?
Can you accept them as they are?
In this type of relationship we can create a space for safety, trust, and genuine connection. It is a simple idea, but like many ideas that seem simple on the surface it is hard to cultivate.
It takes self reflection, mindfulness it takes practice and a commitment to keep learning and growing as a person.
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It is not easy but it is worth it. Just imagine if leaders of companies and countries could have unconditional positive regard for their adversaries, would we have wars, what would be the impact on politics, business and rifts in society.
But at the very least, we can have deeper and more effective relationships, more compassionate connections.
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